From the New Place

We are finally in Sterling, CO! We moved here about a month ago and it has been a whirlwind. Instead of renting out my old house I decided to sell it. I don’t deal well with stress and it tends to manifest itself in physical ways with me, so for my sanity I sold it. In the Denver area it didn’t take long. I listed it on the 17th of June and got an all cash offer with a quick close on the 18th. So we close on Tuesday the 30th and that will be that. I’m really looking forward to being done with that.

So far in Sterling we haven’t really been able to accomplish much because we were working so hard to get the other house ready to sell. We have still managed to plant a few tomato plants, lavender, garden sage, and flowers. I’m not sure if we will get anything else into the ground this year.

The bugs are so horrible out here, I wasn’t prepared for that. Plus it pretty much rained for a month so the river nearby is really high and the neighboring fields to that are flooded. When we first got here we had moths, mosquitos, and gnats. Now we have mosquitos, gnats, and wasps. We had to clean out a lot of the overgrown brush where all the things are living and it seemed to help a little. It is a constant battle in this house for territory with us and spiders. But we are winning. Yay to old homes.

The list of things to do is growing constantly. This house has old slider windows with rope and weights. Due to the moisture they aren’t sliding right. I am sure that also has something to do with the years of paint on them and the fact that the interior rope is old. One of the things we are going to do is take those out, re-rope them, sand them and repaint them. They also need exterior screens and storm windows for the winter, which are separate pieces. I will take pictures and post them as we work on that project.

We are also going to build a shed for all of our lawn equipment. The garage will be used as a work space. And I will begin to do research on greenhouses, because I would like one of those as well.

I also have enough space in this house to have a meditation area. I haven’t had one before but it is something I am starting to explore and it has been helping. So I am working on setting that up as well.

I will be posting more pictures of progress as we start working on things. I’m really excited about it!

Have a great week!


Spring is Here!

So spring is showing its warmth in Colorado. I have no idea what is really going to be on the agenda for my garden this year. I am in the middle of moving from my suburban house in Aurora, CO, to my older house with a little more land in Sterling, CO. The climate is different there. It is farther away from the mountains and is much more prairie like. It is windier and a little more humid. I am sort of happy that I wasn’t all that great at gardening in Aurora since I have to learn all new things when we move.

We aren’t moving until the end of May, so I will also be getting a late start on things. Plus, the one thing that is left out of a lot of information, setting up a new garden can be pricey. We are going to do it a little slower since the point is sustainable living and not spending money on what we don’t have too. We will be moving the raised garden beds and the really expensive dirt we created a couple of years ago. We are also taking the several hundred pounds of flagstone that we have. I know I can find a use for it and since it is expensive stuff I am hauling it with me.

For good news, residents of Colorado may be able to start collecting rainwater! This would be awesome for my garden. The idea is going through the legal channels right now, so let’s keep our fingers crossed!

Yay Spring!

Panic & Anxiety Attacks & My Natural Healing Quest

I have debated about writing about this. Not knowing where to start or how to truly describe my feelings. I also don’t want my blog to be a diary full of whining but more a journal of experiences and learning. But that is what this is.

Since I started my new job in November of 2014 I have been having panic and anxiety attacks. Some so severe, with crying, shaking, racing heart, sweaty palms, hyperventilating, and the mortal terror that comes along with it. Some attacks are not as bad, more of just adrenaline rush. You can google the symptoms of both, I don’t really want to go into that here.

So after a month or so of just trying to push through these things I finally started calling in sick to my new job because the attacks were getting bad. I finally went to the doctor. I haven’t been shy with this situation with family or friends, I want them to know. The doctor prescribed Paxil and Xanax. I used to suffer from depression, anxiety, and insomnia. I took all sorts of drugs to help me be calm, sleep, get through the day. This ended more 6 years ago when I that I didn’t want to drug myself to get through life. I quit that job and stopped taking all those medications. That’s why I am working toward a sustainable life, so I can be happy and have a happy life. I want my days to be filled with things I want to do, not feel I have to do. I have decided not to take the meds this doctor prescribed. But I don’t want to quit this job either because in all honesty, it isn’t a bad job.

Instead, I want to treat the cause of these attacks, not the symptoms. I want to work through the issue and be able to work this job as it will allow me the time and funds to pursue my other goals. I am going to learn meditation, yoga (as long as I can get around the vertigo), Reiki, essential oils, herbs, and aromatherapy. I know nothing about most of this, a little about Reiki. So part of my blog is going to include my learning about these other things. I hope that it helps you, I know it will help me.

To start off, I have a great friend who is a Reiki Master. Years ago she began to teach me, but she had to move out of state and when she left I stopped practicing. She has recently moved back to Colorado so hopefully we can get back to that. If you don’t know, Reiki is the practice of using gentle touch therapy to use the energy flow from the Earth to the person in hopes of promoting the healing of spirit, mind, and body. This is an incredibly brief and simplistic definition, so don’t take it as gospel. Again, I stopped practicing so don’t remember a whole lot.

My friend, my Reiki Master, would always ‘smudge’ the space we were using with a combination of white sage, cedar, and sweetgrass dried herbs in an abalone shell. Several weeks ago I also purchased these items to start building my collection. That and the act of a routine helps me deal with the attacks. As I relearn my Reiki, I will also start practicing meditation. I will burn these same herbs for that.

I realized that scents really help calm me. I thought aromatherapy might be the way to go. I bought a sage smudge mist from Ja’mi Products so I don’t always fill my office with smoke. Sometimes I spray that instead. I also remembered that I had essential oils and a diffuser. But the oils were really old, mostly evaporated. I needed to get new ones but because I am new to this I didn’t want to spend a whole lot of money. After doing some research I ordered from Eden Gardens. There are many things in life where you get what you pay for, but so far Eden Gardens seems like a good company with a good product.

Because my initial reason for learning this was due to the panic and anxiety attacks I wanted to start off with oils for stress relief and relaxation. I started by ordering those essential oil blends from Eden. The stress relief oil is a ‘blend of bergamot, blood orange, grapefruit, patchouli, and ylang ylang is fruity, earthy and floral.’ The relaxation oil is a blend of chamomile, geranium, lavender, mandarin, marjoram, and patchouli is sweet, floral, citrusy and earthy.’ They are both super strong and I think starting off with a blend was a bad idea since I don’t know what I like and don’t like. I think it is the patchouli oil. I’m not a fan. I only tried one of them, I don’t remember which one, and didn’t like it. So they are in a plastic baggie to mask the smell in my little oil cabinet.

So I went back and ordered clary sage, lavender, tea tree, cedarwood, and lemongrass. All scents I know I like. I also ordered a carrier oil because I read somewhere that those are needed to dilute the oils for some uses. I ordered hemp seed oil. Yesterday I used the clary sage in the diffuser. I put 10 drops in the water. It smelled good, relaxing, but was overwhelming. I think I will try 5 drops next time.

What little research and discussion I have done with friends I know that oils and herbs have many uses. I hope to learn as much as possible about this, not only to help with the panic and anxiety attacks, but other areas of life. To be healthy and happy in general. Another great friend gave me some valerian root which is a natural relaxant. That is my issue with medications for depression. Most of them take weeks to build up in your system to work, then if they don’t it takes weeks to try something new. And then if you stop taking them it takes weeks to feel normal again, if you ever felt that way at all.

I am excited about learning this. As far as the job goes, I decided to work 30 hours a week for now. I work 6 hour shifts, makes going to work much easier. Plus I work from home, so no biggie. Have a great day!

New Year, New Blog, New Goals

Hello and Happy New Year! It is that time of year again when people make resolutions to improve themselves, change their habits, save their money. I don’t like resolutions, I think they set you up for failure because after all no one will be surprised if you break a resolution, every one does. However, I am making changes anyway. They are not resolutions, just new things starting next month. Starting tomorrow.

In the past I have suffered with depression, anxiety, panic attacks. My job history isn’t the best. I honestly don’t like working to pay bills that I don’t need. So over the past couple of years I have worked hard to work through my depression and anxiety and to pay off debt. I currently have a little credit card debit that will be paid off with taxes (again) and my student loan. I also own my own home (well the bank does). Other than that I am free.

I live with my mother and my boyfriend and we just bought a house in a small town that is less expensive. This summer, once my son graduates high school, we will move into that new house, start our garden and work toward a sustainable life. I’m thinking I will rent out my current house to earn a little money through that as well.

I want my blog to be about that journey. It is going to be trial and error. That and our new house was built in 1925, so there is work to be done.

2015 is going to be a year of change and growth. While I am sure there will be bumps along the way I know it will be worth it. :)  I hope you will join me for the journey. Learn with me. Share experiences and advice. See you all in the new year!

Lacking Inspiration, Needing Structure

It has now been a month since I have posted anything to my blog. NaNoWriMo is upon us. To be honest with you and with myself I will state that I haven’t really written a single word. I have pondered, come up with a much more solid outline, have a better idea on where I want my story to go and what steps I want to take to move that way. But I can’t seem to write.

It is going to sound like an excuse. But in all honesty I started a new job that has taken up my time and energy. I’m trying to figure out how to balance this. The new job is a work at home customer service position. So I am spending 8+ hours a day in my office working. It is hard to be here to write for NaNoWriMo as well.

So I have decided that I needed to schedule my day. I am finally out of training for the new job and I get to start my schedule. It is one that will allow me the time to write everyday. If I can get over the fact that I cannot wait for inspiration and need to just do the work :) I will wake up at the same time everyday, sit down to write for myself from at least 9am-11am, then get out of my office for a couple hours before coming back to work.

My overall goal is to become a published writer. One that can make a living at writing. I know many say this, but it’s what I want. I think the structure of a schedule will help.

Any writers out there have any advice? Suggestions? Words of encouragement? Please tell me how to get out of the corporate world sooner rather than later…..

NaNoWriMo is in November

For those of you that don’t know, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. I said early on in my blogging that one reason I am doing this is to help develop my skills as a writer because my ultimate goal is to write a novel someday. Well, actually I want to write a lot of novels, but let’s start with one.

NaNoWriMo is a nonprofit organization who’s goal is to help writers write. The goal is for every writer to put out 50,000 words in the month of November. That is just under 1700 words every day. There is no pressure, no one is checking in with you. You can track your words and get pep talks. There is no need to share what you have written, it is more of a helping hand with motivation.

I have had a story idea floating around in my head for about 15 years. I haven’t written anything other than research papers for years. This idea has morphed quite a bit since I first started thinking about it and I want to stop thinking. Time to start doing. One of the things that has held me back is fear. Fear that people won’t read or like my story. Fear that people will be mean in their criticisms. Fear that I will spend hours, days, weeks, months, years on a story and never have it published and that it is all a waste of time. Fear that I am writing something so similar to someone else’s that they will be indistinguishable. Fear that this is a silly dream because lots of people want to become writers and I am no better than they are.

But now I have a fear that my fears are holding me back. I don’t want to wonder ‘what if?’ in the future. I don’t care if people won’t like my story, in fact I know some won’t and that’s okay. I no longer fear its a waste of my time because I have been thinking about this for 15 years already. I should spend another few months or year actually writing it down and seeing what happens. I don’t fear my story is like someone else’s. There are a lot of similar things, no truly original ideas. It’s all about writing, perspective, characters, and tone that make things different.

So I finally started telling people what my story idea is about. It’s still fairly basic, but that’s ok. That is one reason I signed up for NaNoWriMo, to get it out. That is why I am telling you. I want to be a writer. I am going to work hard at becoming one. Yay me!

Check out NaNoWriMo if you haven’t heard of it before. It’s sort of cool.